After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor!
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
"Tiger wanted to find an easy way to get food so he decided to play dead. When other animals would come to pay their respects, he would kill and eat them. Monkey saw animals coming to Tigers house but not leaving, so he became suspicious.
When Monkey went to Tigers house, Mrs. Tiger was weeping and said that Tiger had died. Monkey expressed his sympathy, but then asked if Tiger had wiggled his ears as he died. Monkey explained that this would be a sign that Tiger had really died and not just gone into a coma.
Mrs. Tiger said that she had not seen him do that, so Tiger wiggled his ears to convince Monkey. Then Monkey said that the very final thing that someone did when they died was to pass gas. Mrs. Tiger said that she had not seen him do that. So Tiger passed gas. Monkey ran from the house and announced to all the other monkeys that Tiger was not dead, that he was trying to trick everyone. Tiger got up from his bed and became angry with his wife..."
This wonderful life!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong JOHN: Maybe it s wrong,
but you ask me how, I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O !!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it is H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?
STUDENT: A teacher.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
Back To Seine Bight Village
This wonderful life!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong JOHN: Maybe it s wrong,
but you ask me how, I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O !!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it is H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?
STUDENT: A teacher.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
Back To Seine Bight Village
This wonderful life!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong JOHN: Maybe it s wrong,
but you ask me how, I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O !!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it is H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same
time."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's
Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?
STUDENT: A teacher.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.